There is an interesting comment I saw on a blog recently. I know that people bred on Hollywood romance utterly despise the idea that love and marriage is work; instead they want to see it as their right to find someone awesome and into them for zero effort. I’m not convinced that this is a realistic expectation. At any rate, here’s one from the other side of the aisle:
Hope wrote:
The fact is, commitment-minded men are A LOT more sensitive to cues of promiscuity than other women are. They can’t afford to make a mistake, especially in today’s climate (written about extensively in the manosphere). They certainly don’t want a woman who is going to have any association with the words “loose” or “slut.” The expression “fun-loving” sounds fine to us girls, but to guys it raises huge red flags. It’s not really anything new under the sun either. Men have always valued chaste and pure women with morals and self-discipline.
I was no saint myself in my past, and I’m not a virgin. How I proved my long-term worth to my husband is by being good just about every step of the way. From the beginning I told him I don”t party, go out to clubs or bars, drink, smoke, or use drugs. We were in the same social circle, and I never flirted with or even really talked to any of the other guys in that circle. I changed my style of dress as soon as he said skirt length above the knee is not good. I stopped frequent contact with former male friends, and began associating with only other women in stable LTRs at work. Men see me and know just from my dress and body language that I’m taken. It was not worth the risk of being seen as a less than faithful and loyal girl to do these things, and it was worth the effort to be with an amazing man.
. . . Incidentally, dominant men can afford to be the most choosy about the virtues and faithfulness of their women. My husband was very choosy, and he is definitely a fairly dominant man. He never told me what I should or should not do, never forced me to do anything against my will, and always told me it was my choice. But I knew that if I had been a more flirty girl who showed less loyalty and wanted to “date around a bit” instead of showing him my devotion and love, he would have just let me go. He wouldn’t have tried to change me or control me, but he wouldn’t have gone through with asking me to move in with him and later marry him.
So what do you ladies think – is she trying too hard? Did she give too much away? Did she change herself for him? Would you take those sorts of actions if you KNEW it would lead to a successful marriage?
Would it gall you to have to prove yourself to a man, even though a man has to prove himself to you?
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