| I hate obvious fucking answers. I know nobody has everything in order. That's life. But what goes through someone's mind when they deflect a question with the most inane retort possible?
In 'Boy vs. Interested,' fading_roses19 asked:
So, "boy" last night kissed me, but I have somebody else interested in me . . . I don't want to settle, what do you think?
I responded by gently pointing out that her summary avoids the real issue:
Well, the real question to ask yourself is, "Why did I let the boy kiss me?"
Her response was less than forthcoming, either because she missed the implication, or because her mental aversion of the real issue is so total and complete that she can't deal with it even when someone points out that she needs to make a choice in order to continue.
Yeah, I kind of figured your participation was involved. When I ask WHY in that context, I am asking, but why did you want it? Because you were always attracted, or because you can see a future together, or because he was aggressive and you got excited in the moment?
See, the question why implies a layer behind the layer involved in the present discussion. It asks for root causes, ulterior motives, goals, whatever you want to call them. If I say, "Why did you get an A on that test," and your response is, "I answered over 90% of the questions correctly," your answer is worthless. It's a restatement of something I already know or can infer. It does not provide me with information I was asking after.
In romance, you need to know what you yourself want before you take the situation into account. The situation isn't the most important thing. If you haven't given us details on that, then at best, any advice we can give you will only be helpful through a happy coincidence. It's like saying, "Hey, I have a patient here. Please diagnose him, but I'm not going to let you actually see him. I'm just going to describe his socioeconomic status rather than his actual symptoms." You're not giving us the right information to come up with a coherent answer.
I don't know when Xanga turned into a game of parliamentary debate. We don't exist to be fenced with. If someone asks you a question either respond to the underlying issue, or don't bother responding. If you don't even know what you want, asking others is a meaningless proposition.
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