September 19, 2012

• Mori Does Dating 30

  Then, there are my previous attempts to take something to another level. All met with rejection. It’s fine. I understand rejection now. The problem is how that connection goes afterwards. I understand that I probably screwed up me and S’s friendship; chances are it will never get to that level ever again. I felt like I got too greedy. We were close. We spent a good amount of time together. We had good heart to heart talks. I lend my ear when she was in a dilemma. I feel like the closer I want to be with someone, the further I start to push them away. We still haven’t spoken and I feel like it will be like that for a long time.

  I feel like I’m only successful when I start to ignore those things. All those past relationships, they came to me. They all started with the girl messaging and initiating things. I wanted to at least try to break that way of thinking and try to initiate and get things on my own. And so far, all those times have failed.

  Another major disadvantage I have is that I’m shy. Especially to girls I’ve never met or known prior. And living in the city, I feel it’s much more difficult to even initiate a good conversation with a girl. That I might be considered a freak if I just wanted to talk to them. That I’m considered a perv if I even compliment them. I know that I shouldn’t be thinking that way, but the more I read these stories online from women who say how annoyed they are with men trying to pick them up in public, the more and more discouraged I get. If even attractive guys get written off, what makes me think I would have a chance?

  - Laytexduckie

  It’s just that thing where you have to collect 100 nos. Sounds horribly coarse and vulgar, and not helpful, but the main idea really is that you must confront your fears. (I have never gotten 100 nos romantically but I have done so for marketing/sales, and it is a huge personal development boost. I do not recommend it for everyone, but I most emphatically recommend it for people who fear awkwardness/rejection/the judgment of others. You must learn to not give a damn, a la Rhett Butler.)

  Look at it this way – if you let that fear control you, then you are shortchanging both yourself AND whoever you are with. How can you say with total certainty that they are the one you would choose if you had no fear whatsoever of failure and rejection? And if they are not, how can you justify spending both of your lives together?

  PS: From what I’ve seen, physical attractiveness isn’t even like 50% of the game. It’s maybe like 10-20%. It’s the things that come WITH attractiveness that actually help people – confidence, happiness, clarity, positive energy. This is true for women as well as men. Even the most attractive girl will turn off over 90% of suitors if she’s psycho.

  Do NOT worry about your physical attractiveness. We’ve all seen ugly girls or guys with stunning partners. It can happen for you too.

  • 4:32 pm
  • 7 Comments