November 13, 2011
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On the Problem of Rape
“It’s not too much to ask men and boys to “look, but don’t touch.” A young woman who wants to be noticed, even desired, without being assaulted isn’t making an unreasonable request. She’s not defying the facts of biology. She’s asking to be watched, appreciated, and left unharmed. Saying that she’s asking to be raped is like saying that a talented actor who portrays an unsympathetic villain particularly well on screen is asking to be attacked by an outraged member of the movie-going public. There’s a difference between a performance and an invitation, and it’s not that hard—really, it’s not—to distinguish the two.”
Sexy Halloween Costumes for Girls Don’t Cause Rape — The Good Men Project
I have to object to the wording, not because I want to, but because it just isn’t true. It shouldn’t be too much to ask. But in reality it actually is too much to ask of everyone. We know this because of the fact that rapes happen.
I think this is the key to understanding the problem: that which is simple and intuitive for many people is not necessarily simple and intuitive for all. In this case, the matter involves treating other people like actual human beings with rights. It is simple for most of us, but we have to accept that some people must struggle very hard to internalize this concept in order to understand the problem. Once we accept that fact, however improbable it feels, we can start to think of ways to deal with the problem. If we can’t accept it, if we reject the absurdity, we get stuck at the stage where we rant about how this is just a simple thing, and we can’t believe how people don’t get it, etc. etc. That may feel nice and standard-affirming, but I don’t believe it solves this problem.
Social outrage gets TV shows canceled by nervous execs. Social outrage gets shareholders to make angry phone calls. But it does these things well because those people are all playing by the rules of society, whereas definitionally rapists are not people who are playing by the rules of society. Logically, then, we would expect better results from an approach to the problem that does not hinge on the recipients accepting and obeying social rules.In fact, we do have research that suggests solutions to this age-old problem. However, these solutions are not politically and socially palatable. For example, Kendall’s paper finds that for young men, rape and pornography are substitutes – if they have access to porn, they are far less likely to rape. This clearly points to a way to reduce rapes that does not hinge on the subjects obeying social rules. Of course, no mainstream politician has dared to suggest that young men be given unfettered access to pornography, because as a society we would rather see rapes continue than suspend some of our most cherished assumptions to try a novel solution. Even Kendall hedges his conclusions by inserting vague language about other, unspecified deleterious effects of free access to pornography that might somehow be worse than allowing rapes to continue.
People would rather live with a problem they cannot
solve than accept a solution they cannot understand.- Robert Woolsey
Comments (3)
you make a good point. i am 6’3″ and formidable enough that a group of ten to twelve trouble-making 20-something year old guys backed away from me and left the scene. i lived in Manhattan for about 30 years and yet never entered Central Park alone or even with one or two other people at night. is Central Park beautiful at night? yes. do i have every right to stroll wherever i please in Central Park at night? absolutely. am i naive enough to? no. while millions of New Yorkers will never pull a gun on me in Central Park there are some who would if i gave them opportunity. btw the park is safer than it once was but still.
Absolute truth.
The world is stuck in its belief that there is justice behind evil for the sake of its own sanctity, as a reassuring (though abominably selfish) self-protection, which tends to give credit and humanity to the predator, while dehumanizing and discrediting the preceding status, actions, and motivations of the victim.
It is easier to believe the victim did something avoidably wrong than accept the nature of the predator who attacked without reason.
There are people who don’t like porn?
What’s the world coming to?